About The Secular Parent
Greetings!
The Secular Parent began as a place to house my frustrations with being an Agnostic mother who decided that her children did not need religion to be morally strong, decent citizens of humanity. The goal was simply to yell, screech, and release my energy, but The Secular Parent has grown into something much more.
Namely, the website serves as a repository of parental experiences as they relate to secular life. My children have dealt with scorn, intolerance, and sheer contempt from both peers and adults. How can you help a child stand up to their peers–and the 6-foot giant telling them that God IS real? How can we strengthen our young people’s self-esteem so that they are prepared for the religious onslaught that awaits them.
My girls have grown in wisdom and knowledge–and so have I. The main condition of secular parenting is a willingness to learn; secular parents must be guided by what we know to be true; that is the only way that we can really prepare our children for success in life.
There is no need to lie to young people–about the little things (the tooth fairy, Santa Claus) and the big things (choosing to have sex for the first time, the realities of drugs and experimentation). Honesty breeds trust.
I believe that children of all ages are individual and unique people. I think most of us would agree–surely they aren’t replicas of ourselves. If this is true, why do we push our religious beliefs onto our kids? Why don’t we offer children the opportunity to grow and learn about faith, and then decide which faith best suits them as they mature? This is the approach to religion and parenting that our family has taken, and it has been met with strong success. I am an Atheist; my children are freethinkers. They are too young to decide if the massive amount of information on either side of the religious debate has merit. As they grow, they will look at their worldview, their value system, and choose a faith that matches their worldview; or they will be Atheists.
Either way, my girls know that they will be loved.
My roots are in liberal Seattle, and though I certainly lean to the right on some issues, I find myself ever-more questioning why: why can’t young people REALLY have the right to choose their future path? What is wrong with “trying” on church a few times, and then taking that coat off? How can we create a young person who is mentally, physically, and sexually healthy and responsible?
I currently live in the greater Kansas City, MO area; and I love it! Between my job as a teacher, my role as a wife, and my responsibilities as a mother, my writing has plenty variety.
No matter my tone, which can sometimes be rather cynical and sarcastic, I love my side job: I take pride in sharing my successes and my failures–how else are we as parents, particularly secular parents, supposed to raise young people?
Please feel free to browse the website, leave a few comments, and return when you can. If you register with The Secular Parent, you can receive my articles via email.
I am glad you want to teach children what “we know to be true.”
And you, in your wisdom, are going to tell us what is true?
About atheists?
About what EVERY officially atheistic government and what they have done?
Do you KNOW the truth?
Do you even WANT to know?
They’re even outraged by your “About Me” section. That’s impressive!
I’m glad you are here! I am a former conservative Christian, but now see myself as a very liberal Christian Universalist (you probably already know that Universalists believe all people will be reconciled to God, and not a single one will be cast into hell).
I just heard about you on Bill Tammeus’s blog http://billtammeus.typepad.com.
For a few years now (I became a mother 9 years ago), I’ve been realizing that on parenting/homeschooling issues, I agree a whole lot more with Atheists than I do with conservative Christians. Thanks again for being here!
Thanks Susan! It’s so hard to know if I’m doing the right thing…I need parents like you to keep me focused!
wow! what you’re writing–it’s so fresh! i’m definitely bookmarking this–it’s good to finally hear someone saying something true: knowledge is what’s important. i know that when i have kids (i’m a bit young to be a parent as of yet ^^; ) i’m going to emphasise that fact, and teach acceptance and equality. kudos to you for blogging that out.
~kari
Well now, you’ve just made my day! Please browse around, leave a few messages, and let me know if I do anything wrong!
Awesome blog! I am also in the midwest (Topeka, KS) and its a breath of fresh air to read everything you have written.
Kan u be my mama?
LOL…how sweet. My kids somehow don’t always feel like I’m a mommy gift….
I spent a great deal of time looking at your site. You truly have a heart for those people around you and the lives that you impact on a daily basis. Please do not disregard your upbringing. It sounds like to me, your parents went to church and called themselves christians because that was their tradition. The only thing I can say, is that is not why I am a christian. I spent many years questioning and exploring and I can honestly say, I have a real relationship with God. I have seen many unexplained things and seen his hand at work. The only real thing that I can tell you is the difference knowing and loving him has made in my life. I will not argue with you, because it is personal to me, and nothing anyone says can change what I have experienced. I do know that even though you may be done with God, he is not done with you. You have a gift to lead people and you will have the same chance I have had to have a relationship with God. You may not want it, but I am praying for you that God will reveal himself to you in an undenyable way. I know God listens when we pray… You will have an encounter with God – he knows you…
Hey there, just wanted to say hi and to encourage you to keep up the blog. I live in the KC area and have a 1-1/2 year old. While I was raised Catholic I’ve done some serious thinking over the last 5 years and have come to grips with the fact that I just don’t believe any more. My wife is agnostic (with catholic tendencies) and we’ve both decided to raise our boy religion-free.
I do worry about small minded neighbors and schoolmates and have given a lot of thought about what we should tell him if (when) he’s asked about it in the future. Poking around a bit I was tickled to see your real-life examples. Most everything I’ve read prior was from a more professorial perspective. It was like these people never were a kid let alone had any themselves.
So thank you. If you don’t hear it enough, I think you’re making a difference. At least in this dad’s little family. Consider yourself bookmarked! I will most certainly be returning to check up on future posts.
All the best to you and your family.
Quite an impressive blog. Im curious though, why do you spend so much time disputing christian topics? It appears that you believe that “the truth” is the opposite of what christians believe. Shouldnt “the truth” just be “the truth”?
It sounds more like you are trying to spite them, than teach parents how to raise children. Im just a realist.
I am 67 now and have a son that is 41. My mother taught Methodist sunday school and my dad was not religious and made mostly commonsense comments about religion and religious people. I got to my mother class when seven and she found out that I did not believe the supernatural stories and claims. My brother went to the marines in 1958 and during the summer I bought a notebook and went through the entire bible and had many discussion with my mother who had claimed to have read it many times. It was my first realization of how differently people approach the bible. Mom ,like many other I met latter did not read it with the same questioning and analysis which myself and others I encounter later used to analysis what the book claim. My mother , like other believers did not seem to be willing to doubt and question the bible mostly out of fear already indoctrinated into them as child. My wife and I, under pressure from both grandmothers allowed our son to go to church when visiting about once a month at the grandparents but we let him know our interpretation of the bible and told him that people around the world generally believed what they were taught by their parents and had numerous examples of people we knew personally who were raised in India and Burma and other places whose parents were British, Irish, Europeans and Americans(USA) and had raised tjeir children as christians in other countries where most people were of other faiths. Plus we taught him more details about the numerous religions of the orient and European areas usually referred to as myths rather than ancient religions which many millions of people had believed in as the truth. The same for native peoples through Africa and the Americas. Christians rarely approach thses religions as religions but as myths. We chose not to use corporal punishment but would in his early years make him take off his clothes and put his pajamas on and go to bed and make him stand in a corner for a short time period, but mostly tried to explain that we as parents were responsible for him in many ways and tried to explain why we made any specific decision. He did what to have to do any chores and claimed his friends did not have to do any so we got together with some of his friends and parents and he found out that yes they did have to help out with some chores. We told him that he was part of a family of three but he was only asked to do a few things but my wife and I actually did also all the things that needed to be done and his chores were very minor in comparison to ours. We bought him the lastest and besr quality of reading materials and took him to many events and attended his school functions. I was on all of his school advisory councils and active in the PTA. He was fournate to live with a family that enjoyed a good income and we could afford to takes numerous trips and vacations throughout his life. He ,like myself was active in boy scouts and went to the Philmount ranch in New Mexico or Arizona plus several summer camps. It was a challenge that took a considerable amount of forethought and planning at a time when no literature was available to my wife and myself. Things are a’changing as the Bob Dylan songs says. I read “Parenting Without Belief” and took a course in Des Moines in 2008 while living in Iowa. I am back in KC now. Aug. 27,2009
Could not find a way to resond to first top ten post. #2 claimed that we here in this country are free to believe what we want about religion. I would disagree. More so today than in the past, but many do not feel that it is safe to be completely open and actually many feel their jobs or at least promotions etc. could be put at risk, but many are no sure that the would not be let go or picked for lay off. Numerous business people are not free to host let alone openly join in any atheist type group or event and need secrecy in any financing of such activities. Some state constitutions, seven I believe, do not allow non-believers to hold any elective office. I am not completely sure of current policies but I am aware that some were not allowed to set on juries and in the 1800’s were not allowed to testify in a court case. People have had their legal wills over ruled my courts as to their wishes of children’s education, custody has been denied because of non-belief and wills have been overturned. Blasphemy laws have been used up to the 1970’s in an eastern state. Social pressure and public policy statements against non-believers by politicians and news reporters and commentaries lets non-believers known that they will face a variety of possible hurdles in their life experiences if they are so bold to express statements of non-belief. Social ostracism and rejection on many levels will confornt them plus being told thousands of times that they will go to hell and that every knee shall bow in the end, plus much more. I am 67 and a lifelong atheist who has experienced this by being completely open through my life since a child of seven and speaking up in sunday school , in summer bible classes and it school, work ,college,my sons schools and in the community groups I have participated in and yet in my unusual case it did not stop me, but I encountered many non-beliefers who were too afraid and actually thought I was reckless and crazy. I had a job with a union to protect me somewhat. But I was stubborn and bull-headed and still am. Children and adults need to know the real history of how we have been treated. Today non-believers in the military have been complaining of tremendous christian pressure to believe and the discrimination against non-believers. Stories of killings throughout past wars are not uncommon.
Come on Willard. You are in greater danger of losing your job or the promotion or the election for saying that you are a Christian who believes the Bible is the literal word of God and the rule for life than you are for saying their is no God or the political correct version of “all views are equally valid”.
I liked your writes and unlike most websites, I did not just graze through, I read every post….I admire your skills of at-the-face opinions.
Keep up the great work!
Cheers,
Kaavs
thanks a bunch! It’s nice to get an idea of what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong!
You can’t know that there isn’t a God any more than I can be sure there is one, based on knowledge alone. I think that Atheists are actually Agnostics when you think about it. If knowledge is your God, then why not teach your child to be open to all things including the possibility that there is a God, or Designer of of the universe?
Human knowledge is ever changing, and human beings are ever fallible. Therefore their knowledge is worthless without a grounded belief in something outside of themselves to guide them.
I’m sure you’re a nice person, and wish you all the luck in the world with your parenting.
Very happy that I found your blog!
good! Please browse around and let me know what you think in the comment section!
Secular Parent,
I found this website while, of all things, searching for porn on the internet. For some reason the picture of Jessica Alba in the water comes up when you do a google image search for “camping sex”.
I wish you had been around while I was raising my children. It would have been nice to know there were others out there who share similar values. It is very frustrating trying to have an intelligent conversation with non-athiests about instilling values in children without offending them. It seems so many don’t think that it is possible to raise responsible children without insisting that they believe things that they know can’t be true. That the only way for anyone to be able to tell right from wrong is to have it defined for you by individuals who’s motives and perhaps morals are questionable to begin with.
I came to realize that by simply weighing the harm vs good in every situation individually, you can determine what is right and what is wrong. For most situations this is simple, for others there are shades of grey that require a lot of thought and discussion. For quite a few, organized religion has got it wrong. The most important of their errors is discouraging critical thinking (which is the opposite of faith).
My granddaughter is now one year old and my daughter will soon be faced with similar challenges to what I faced while raising her. I will be sending her a link to your website (and to all the other young parents I know). I am doing my best to help her along, but I’m sure she will appreciate knowing there is a community of sensible people out there.
Also, do you have a facebook or myspace group/page? It seems that so many young parents in their 20’s keep in touch that way. Keep up the good work.
You do a good job posting about Children, and Life in General. “Train up a child in the Way they should go, and when Adults they will not depart from it”, does not work today.
The Population Explosion since 1900 from 1 Billion to 7 Billion Humans today made a difference in the Human Lifestyle.
High Tech Science happened during this time, and we learned about Genetics. Body Birth Reproduction does have all types of results, for Heterosexuals and GLBT.
Humans do not have to Trust in a Man-Made God Religion, since High Tech Colonization and Reproduction became available. Now we need a High Tech Translation of Religion and Myth writings, to Know Planet Earth in Genesis 1,2, explain Earth was Colonized in the 6 Days, and God/Us Reproduced Humans by High Tech and Cloned the Female from the Male Rib.
This is not ‘Super’Natural today, but Fact. With High Tech Science Humans like God/Us in Genesis did Colonize Earth, and Reproduced Male and Female Clone Helpmeets, in their High Tech Asexual Human Image.
It was not until the Asexual Clones, with High Tech Eternal Physical Life After Birth, on Planets and in Spaceships,started Reproducing by Heterosexual Sex, that Heterosexual and the GLBTs were Reproduced and were treated with Inequality and Inhumanity. Clone Body Birth Reproduction changed the Asexual Helpmeets to Heterosexuals, and Generation Birth, Death, and Rebirth began.
The Christian Bible has the Beginning of Life on Earth, up to The Noah/Atlantis Planetary Flood, and Repopulation of Earth. Our Nuclear Bombs will supply the Last Days ‘Arm’ageddon War. The End Times Planetary Fire, is set up with our Lifestyle Pollution, and Nuclear Waste Pollution, on land and sea.
Then it will not matter to Life on Earth, if a Person is Heterosexual or GLBT, they All will experience the End of Physical Life on our Home Planet Earth.
In my last post, I need to explain with High Tech Science, that the 6 Days of Spacetime to Colonize Earth, was 6000 Years Earth Time. We know today that Human Spacetravel Time is different from Earth Time. Humans on Earth age older that the returning Space Humans.
2Peter 3:8. KJV. “But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.”
Dolores, it sounds like that is not inconsistent with some of Einstein’s, and others, works on Relativity.
Interesting that the concept was expressed in the New Testment almost 2,000 years ago.
Reanimator.
How long ago was Genesis 1,2 written, that did explain about the Process of Colonizing a Planet 12,000 years ago? And God/Us High Tech Male and Female Clones, reproduced a female from the male rib, in their Human Image, in their Lab in the Garden of Eden?
This High Tech Science was lost by Body Birth Children, and handed down as a God that came from Heaven/Space that Created Supernaturally a Female Clone of Adam.
These writings were handed down by Humans with Generation Body Birth, Death and Rebirth. Some Religions call this Reincarnation.
How many different God Religions resulted? How many new Religions are starting today, by breaking from their Original one?
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Continue.
The High Tech Science Cycle of Reincarnation also happened in the Noah/Atlantis Generation, like we have experienced for the past 100 years. This High Tech Society was recorded as a Killer God. They bombed Sodom and Gomorrah with Fire From Heaven, like the USA did to Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
God/Us in Genesis 1,2 was our High Tech Peace Human Ancestors, that do have Eternal Physical Life After Birth, on Planets and in Spaceships.
This lost High Tech Knowledge became the basis, of Religious Eternal Life After Death, in Heaven/Space.
A High Tech Translation is needed for All Scripture and Myth, to Prove Earth began with High Tech Science Colonization and Reproduction of Male and Female Clone Helpmeets, not Mates, 12,000 years ago, not millions of years of Evolution.
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Evolution may have happened elsewhere in Space, up to God/Us our High Tech Ancestors, but the Bible, and other Scriptures and Myth record the Supernatural High Tech Colonization of Planet Earth, 'in the beginning'.
Not millions of years of Evolution.
Humans were supposed to be Equal Asexual Celibate Caretakers, like God/Us and Jesus, not Unequal Killers of Each Other and our Home Planet. Asexual Humans did Reproduce Children by Heterosexual Birth, Heterosexuals and GLBTs, Atheists, and All Genetic and Physical Misbred Humans. God/Us did not Reproduce Children.
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Continue.
In 1900 we had 1 Million Humans, and then a Sexual Lust/Desire Explosion increased the population to 7 Billion today. How many more Killer Humans can Earth support? We are stacking them up in High Rise Buildings.
Misbred Humans have the Last Days 'Arm'ageddon War with our Nuclear Bombs, and the Planetary Fire Judgment Day set up, with our Toxic and Nuclear Waste. Not punishment from God/Us our High Tech Peace Clone Ancestors.
Eternal Physical Human Life After Birth, is for High Tech Purebred Male and Female Clone Helpmeets, on Planets and in Spaceships, not for Heterosexual Misbred Male and Female Mates and their Children.
Sorry. I only had a 4 part post, but I see 6 entries. Hope you can see which were repeats.
Otherwise I will try again, and keep better tract of which ones I used.
So happy and pleased to find this site. I find it a bit silly that christians would even be interested in this site. I guess that just goes to show how insecure they are and scared of or worried about us normal people. If they think they are so right, why do non believers even exist? Is god just f__in with them?
You are serving a great purpose with this site. I wish you were around when I was raising my kids over 20 years ago. I had to figure it out on my own. I am a lifelong supporter of secular education both in the classroom and in the home. I have found that reason is so appreciated by kids of all ages. Bringing parenting with reason to children shows respect for them. We bring children into this world and respect for them is what creates the value driven and moral centered home only a clear thinking secular can offer
How do Humans Serve a great Purpose on Earth?
Our Planet is covered with Man-Made Religions and Temples to their Gods, and Man-Made Pollutions of Deadly Kinds from sea to sea, and Nuclear Bombs on land, sea, and in airplanes. Why? What is wrong with Humans on Earth?
Is there any Peace God among all the Religions or only Killer Gods? Was God/Us in Genesis 1,2, Peace Gods in our Image? Most of the Gods in Religion were Killer Gods, and their History in the Old Testament was of killing with Fire from the Sky on Sodom and Gomorrah.
The Gods of the USA also sent Fire from the Sky on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. So is the Killer God the Ruler of our Home Planet Earth? What happened to the God/Us in our image, and in the Image of Adam and Eve Clones? Was this the the God of Peace and Good Will to All Male and Female Clones, until the Clones Reproduced Children?
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Continued.
Or was God/Us a Religious Myth, handed down, by Evolved Humans, and not part of the Supernatural God Life on Earth because Humans evolved from Animals, and Kill Each Other and their Children like their Man-Made Gods?
For the past 100 years, Killer Humans have Evolved on Earth to High Tech Science and now Know how to travel in Space, Colonize Planets and Reproduce Human Fetus' in the Lab, and Clone Animals, like the God Myths. Are Humans trying to be like the Killer Gods of Religion and Myth?
Are the Gods on Earth going to start a Nuclear War in our Heavens/Atmosphere, to prove who is the Mightiest Most High God on Earth? And in the Process, Kill our Earth Home? Why? For the Love of all The Man-Made God Myths?
Interesting that an 'about me' section solicited the responses it has – from fundamentalist Christian proclaiming to know truth to the fundamentalist Atheist doing the same … Taunts , pokes and discussion of scripture … Creationism and Relativity … To a respectful yet disrespectful denial of your conclusion on disbelief or Agnosticism with the hope "God' reveals itself to you …
Amazing what a small entry can gleam from others …
Thank you for sharing your thoughts; beliefs and this site !
I’m not a secular parent, but I am a secular big brother of 2-year-old triplets. I want to compliment your quality website, particularly the article “Knives: A little girl’s best friend.”
As a crime reporter I see horrible things every day, and am probably a little over-zealous when it comes to my family’s safety. Your article was very cogent, and I enjoyed it immensely.
Keep up the good work!